The English Teacher (2013)

the english teacher

The English Teacher is a new indie comedy about a, well, English teacher, and she is sorta lonely. She doesn’t have a man, she reads too much (NOT POSSIBLE) and she doesn’t get laid enough (TOTALLY POSSIBLE… or so I’ve heard).

One day she comes across one of her former students, who she thought was going to be a big success, only to find that he’s struggling to become a playwright. She decides to help him out by putting his play on at her school. She takes some risks to get it into production, as it’s a bit racy, but she’s successful.

Oh, and they bone. TOTALLY.

The English Teacher

The English Teacher comes from a man I think we can all agree has an imminently pronounceable name, Craig Zisk. That’s actually the sound I make when I sneeze while cumming. It’s happened three times, and the ladies do NOT appreciate it. Especially if I sneeze in their mouth. Or the other thing in their mouth.

The lesson here is to keep fluids out of women’s mouths.

Zisk (bless you) has worked as a director on a couple TV shows, but no big screen experience yet.


The English Teacher Trailer

The English Teacher Release Date

May 17, 2013.

Who’s In It?

Lily Collins … Hallie Anderson
Julianne Moore … Linda Sinclair
Michael Angarano … Jason Sherwood
Nathan Lane … Carl Kapinas
Greg Kinnear … Dr. Tom Sherwood
Jessica Hecht … Principal Megan Slocum
Nikki Blonsky … Sheila Nussbaum
Charlie Saxton … Will Traynor
Erin Wilhelmi … Joni Gerber
Remy Auberjonois … Beefy Businessman
Norbert Leo Butz … Vice Principal Phil Pelaski
Sophie Curtis … Fallon Hughes
Peter Y. Kim … Mike the Orderly
Alan Aisenberg … Benjamin Meyer
Donnetta Lavinia Grays … Hospital Administrator
Marlee Roberts … Cheerleader Girlfriend
Katie Meinholt … Young Linda Sinclair
Alexander Flores … Ed Mckee
Nicole Wilson … New Wife
Perri Lauren … Julianne Moore SI/PD

What’s Good About It?

Remember that scene in The Big Lebowski when Julianne Moore flies overhead totally nude for art? It was that moment I knew she was destined to one day play a high school english teacher.

For reals.

Actually, she’s good casting for this. She’s not only a great actress, but she has a look and tone that can morph itself into a bit of meek teacher. Her performance alone should lead this film to greater heights.

What’s Bad About It?

Meh, indie dramedy.

Our Clever Prediction

I don’t see a big box office for The English Teacher, but it’s a good looking film with some talented actors and LILY COLLINS.

I just Zisked…